I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
