if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
