i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
