It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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