Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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