I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
