He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
