my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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