I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
