How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
