I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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