If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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