mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
