He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
