So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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