Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
