How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
