Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
