oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
