I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Panties = found
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
