Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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