I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
