i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
