Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
