If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
