So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
