you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
