yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
