So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
