I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
