and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
