they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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