If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
