I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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