Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
