Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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