Screwed.edu
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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