Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize