proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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