Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
