K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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