This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is my gift to your gina
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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