I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize