I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We need a shit load of segways right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
