My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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