So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
