were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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