Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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