If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
