just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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