You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
