nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
