We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
