you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
