Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
