With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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