i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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