I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
