I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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