Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
