It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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