I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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