Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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